StiX's Chronicles

Musings of a postgraduate

2011-10-02T01:13:00.001+04:00

Life is meant to be lived, to be enjoyed yes but mostly to be lived and that means cherishing the good times and struggling through the bad times, it means dealing with emotion and feelings, it means elevating yourself to aspire to something greater than what you are. It means that you appreciate every single moment that you have, every single moment you spend alone and every single moment you spend with another, it means that you appreciate that while others may not understand, that they too have this precious gift.

It goes without saying that while pleasure is the most sought after instrument, it can’t compete with happiness. Pleasure is not meant to last; it is but a beautiful maiden who winks and twirls but ever elusive, leaving one weeping in her wake and such is what pleasure is but happiness, oh how happiness is a beautiful thing because it doesn’t require others to produce it, it comes from within, it comes like a drug and sweeps you up, like the waves respond to the pull of the moon do we respond to happiness.

And so it is to happiness that I pledge my glass to, happiness and life.

Cobbled

2010-11-13T19:04:00.006+04:00

I'm glad that I live by,

The star and the lone sky,

In a hovel of hope,

Just by the road off the slope,

Where criminals breed,

but with good thoughts abundant,

and the narrow minded bleed

through fears of the humble.

Love, loved and it lost,

Yet found again to accost,

And sighs as it walks by these familiar places

Time and time again although it sees these new faces.

Cloaked in the shadows, In silence it trudged

With a Veil of mystery, it saw and it judged.

Spewing roses of red as it glided through lives

The begrudged love never did need its knives.

She

2010-07-04T19:17:00.004+04:00

She's beautiful, I can't have her. I don't want her, I need her. The past haunts me in the future. This sucks. I see your face and I can't help but want to reach out and touch it. I gaze at your eyes and wonder how long its been...whether yesterday has been erased, whether it even matters today. I look forward to putting this all behind me but strings so closely wrapped around my heart, so entangled with the very vessels that pump my lifeblood make it so very hard to do so. I wonder whether fully letting go would mean losing a bit of myself, I wonder whether I should be letting go.

Your amazing, a pillar of strength. The same things that attracted me to you then still make me want you now, I want you but I can't have you. The past haunts me in the future. Reminiscent of the times we used to fight and I realize I can't do it any more, once was too much. Drawing lines that should never be drawn, I ask is this where principles are grown? I wonder whether one should make a sacrifice on their principles for another, I wonder whether making such a sacrifice would mean losing a bit of myself. I wonder whether I should be letting go.

The past haunts me in the future.

Ridiculous

2010-03-24T19:33:00.004+04:00

Some peoples views on things are just absurd. Some people get so heated up that they forget objectivity. Some people get so caught up with personal views that they fail to realize that what the other person is saying is actually correct.

I would like to applaud Qin Le for maintaining his cool and being immensely calm during the last meeting. Good job.

Its not easy making decisions which border so closely on each side, both of which have equals in their pros and cons. In situations like that its easy to sit back and let the people have the final say but it can't work like that. It's about trust, its all about trust and who whether you trust the people you work with. Personally I was fine with either decision that the EXCO's could come up with with but the very idea that we are so far in our term and all our EXCO's have not learnt how to make objective choices pains me.

Its easy enough to play boardroom politics, a whisper hear and a whisper there will take you miles but is it really what's right for the team? When it comes to vital decisions then no, but perhaps its all right for minor ones.

15th INTIMA, believe me...with all the systems we're setting in place for you, you'll have a smooth ride and I hope you achieve heights that we couldn't. Consolidate and then move.

I hate people who pretend that they do work, people who love coming up with excuses and emergencies and use the famous words 'I don't know how to' Next semester INTIMA loses some more people.

Till then, I'm out for my exams.

Yours Sincerely,

Shehan A. K

Sovereignty lies in the hands of the people.

2010-03-08T13:58:00.003+04:00

Now I've seen a lot of ridiculous things, but this is just crossing the line. Speakers Corner originated in the UK, a country that at the time had no Human Rights. But the right to speech was nonetheless guaranteed in the small corner of Hyde Park where public discussion was encouraged. At INTI though, its all about control, the Speakers Corner is limited to just an hour on Wednesdays from 1 - 2 where half the student population is in class. Each Speaker is limited to just 7 minutes!! WTF? Politics is banned. Religion is banned. Sex is banned. Fine but seriously you cannot limit a Speakers Corner, you cannot limit a Speaker. This is not high school. This is not Pre- school where you have your reading time. This is a University College and if we ever hope to reach university status then our students MUST be given the opportunity to grow. And Sovereignty must lie in the hands of the people

The waste of man's potential [from the pen of an egoist]

2010-02-18T08:59:00.004+04:00

Everyone knows that man, that uncle who squandered his youth, the gambler who bled the family treasure dry, that friend that never really got to where they should be. Man is pathetic....consumed by their insignificance they are content to live in the dark shadows of those who dare to dare. Consider it, when I was a child I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child but when I became a man I put away childish things. By far one of my favourite bible quotes but look at the significance and then once more look around you and notice. Notice those that didn't put away childish things, notice those who don't appreciate life, notice those that are content to hop from bar to bar, take life with a pinch of salt a slice of lime and a shot of tequila. By all means, LIVE! but think about it....would it be right to sacrifice a long term betterment for a short term want?

Look around! Notice how the meek shall inherit the earth but notice! Do they live? Just as everyone knows that man who squandered his youth, and the gambler who bled the family treasure dry, everyone also knows the other extreme, the highly 'successful' man who has no time for his family and friends save for perhaps a month of vacation, the teetotaler who by far is the driest person they know and even worse that friend who got straight A's and never really lived life, never had time for friends and relationships those who were so goal oriented that everything else faded in relationship. This is not life, dear reader it is naught but a pathetic excuse, a waste of the earthly joys. For the spiritually inclined who would say that the stay at earth is but a short one compared to the spot at Paradise that awaits, note that the biggest help one can do to God is to help man. To help yourself. My philosophy is simple, do good to others and then let life take its course, live by your own principles and not by others, dont break the rules bend them but at the end of the day Karma is a bitch.

Potential. How does one realize it? How does one reach it? I guess its nurture and a bit of nature, true leaders aren't born they're bred. Attitude, that lil thing that makes a huge difference is everything....but true potential is reached when one knows that they're working at their best. In high pressure situations, in do or die scenarios...when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. and when the going gets rough, the tough just get rougher. Think about a diamond....it takes immense pressure to turn carbon into coal and even more so to turn it into diamonds. They aren't born, they're bred. Unfortunately, men in his everlong pursuit to waste his resources avoid these situations. Not many people want to be the ones that the ball is passed to when it’s the 89^th minute of a football game and the score is tied. Not many want to step up to the plate at the bottom of the 9^th with 2 outs. The waste of man’s potential. Put pressure on yourself, self-motivate. Perhaps it’s because I’m at that age where it’s my turn to fly, spread my wings and soar that I speak like this but it’s sad that I’m at the run way , sitting in the cockpit, engine running ready for the green light and all the planes are docked. Read Jonathan SeaGull. Read Tuesdays with Morrie. And then, read the Kitty Genovese effect. Learn that Mother Theresa and Gandhi had the same 24 hours you have, its like Jay Z’s credit card, the sky is the limit.

Im just a kid, I say and I do

My brain only works at a percent of 2

But the sky is the limit, the limits they sky

You can dock all you want but its my time to fly

Looking back at 19 years.

2010-01-14T15:38:00.002+04:00

A new year and a time for reflection. Reflection for all the things learnt and all the things forgot. I realize that life isn't as perfect as it seems and that it needn't be that way, I realize that too often are people consumed with material gains that they may never know true happiness. The painful realization that I may join their ranks if I'm not too careful although I'm determined not to. I understand now that sometimes even though you may try your best...it just isn't enough and that's okay too if ou just have faith. Faith'll get you through alot of things to be honest but I abhor blind faith or perhaps thats blind faith in religion..either way...'the belief that I need is the proof that I am.' I realize that all the times when I cursed my parents; swearing I'd never be like them I was wrong and that being a child means just that and doesnt have to mean any thing more. Too often do parents force their children to grow up too fast and that jus ends with a fuckd up usually pompous jackass. I learnt that when good things come along to enjoy them cos they might not always be there in the future. The significance even strikes me now of 'The Gambler', 'you gotta know when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away know when to run' Guess thats the new philosophy in life cos everything really is a gamble. Perhaps a resolution then; not to swear for a month....Doubt it'll work with all the INTIMA stuff :P learnt that the best people to work with are pains in the asses and the worst thing is when people don't take pride in their work. Humility is terribly over-rated and the whole "Pride is a sin" is unfortunately always taken outta context. It is a sin (For the misguided believers) only when you are so Proud as to believe that you can do anything without god's help. Dumbasses. So seriously lighten up, enjoy yourself.

I realized the value of true friends and that though distance may erode the bonds created, the bond itself is eer timeless. I learnt that sacrifice is a part of life and so is compromise. However I shall never ever give up on what I think is right even if I think its hopeless cos at the end of it, its you that will have to live with the choices that you make and nobody else so the least that you can do is be true to yourself. I learnt that while its may be easier to live a lie its far more meaningful to live in reality but at the same time everyone needs their special escape place when life just gets too much of a bitch which it does far too often unfortunately. Oh well. Lessons learnt, relearnt and forgot. Hope 2010's infinitely better to all. Much <3

Seeing it from the other side of the table.

2010-01-12T10:41:00.002+04:00

Gosh this is boring! Being the President is boring! Its just managing people like I enjoy doing it and all guess I'm just not a desk person...would rather be out there making those changes...thankfully VP Academix is still keeping me busy and studies as well. Freaking hard! Can't seem to understand shit in classes but thats probably just because its the beginning and they're easing us into it...I'd rather they throw it at us and tell us to sink and swim. Qin Le actually made an access database for all our contacts, makes things freaking more easy. Sucks that people keep underestimating him and he behaves like a monkey at times, no wait scratch that, most of the time. oh well Lifes lessons eh?

I wrote a whole new year thingy but didnt get around to posting it was all sentimental and shit I'll find it soon and put it up, laterz Much love.

Flesh and Bones

2010-01-02T04:49:00.002+04:00

Somethings in life I am immensely grateful for....though I may never show it. My friends, my parents, faith...they're like rocks jus like how Jesus said to Peter 'Upon this Rock I shall build my church' upon them shall I build myself. 5 am again and we just finished recording one song..I aimed for 3 but I'll settle for that one, I think its beautiful...has so much meaning to it if one can look deep enough and yeah the singings a bit off here and there but fuck it, its all good :P
"They believe what they cant see, but doubt what they can // The belief that I need is the proof that I am" Laters Folks. Fear for the worst, hope for the best :)

Worthy of an uppercut

2009-12-31T12:38:00.001+04:00

Seriously what the fuck is wrong with petty people? To actually go to the extent of making up stuff to make it seem like your 'holier than thou, ever so deserving?' save it bitch. Don't cross my path or you might fall into the hole ur digging yourself.

He swept her off her feet, took her to the clouds...

2009-12-31T04:54:00.003+04:00

Its been a great day! despite the fact that its probably going to make me more sick....its 5 in the morn and I've just got home...fuckin cold outside but we were having such a great time writing songs that we just didnt care tbh, well I didn't anyways. So hopefully! big time hopefully...we can record these cos we got like 3 songs so far...2 with lyrics mostly thanx to ajiths riffs and glens vox and one instrumental that we're gna improvise on an old piece of mine. Was fuckin A today, spent it behind hilton gosh lotsa memories there "is that a red star?" lol good drunken times :) remember that day so well surprisingly...was flaming pissed off at Dad cos he said I couldnt go out like wtf...i went anyways and proceeded to have an amazing alcohol induced time that was the start of a whole new chapter in my life. Anyways back to today! so we were fuckin around with a frisbee, ordered pizza after the retards at Pizza Hut took like 20 mins to understand that I wanted to get the stuff delivered in a park! Jeez was a waste of cred, wolfed it all down and then some cards and finally to the corniche where we spent our time composing and trying out lyrics....Done with Flesh and Bones...just need 2 more lines for that cos the ones I came up with were shit...and nearly done with the Cinderella Story..I'll post it here when its done if its done *sigh* joys and kills of being a procastinator which reminds me....

Im a Procastinator, I say do it now but why not do it later ;) Happy New Years ppl and in classic style may the best of 2009 be the worst of 2010

If music be the food of love, play on.

2009-12-23T20:59:00.001+04:00

I love music. I love literature, where every sound is a word and every word has a meaning. Every note you hit has an emotion tied behind it and every emotion has a story, and as the rhytmn insinuates itself in your body just like how blood flows through your veins you begin to feel alive, you begin to feel the emotions that the artist produces, like a very distinct splash of colour on white canvas you begin to feel. Too many times these days do we concern ourselves with material possesions and material gains, so focused on one thing that we fail to see the bigger picture, the way that all the cogs come together to produce the majesticity of a ticking hand. Music is nought but sound organized, a masterpiece with each note, each emotion complimenting each other. And without order in music we have sound, and without order in life. Anarchy.

Insomnia

2009-12-15T04:12:00.000+04:00

Its 4 in the morn, I can’t sleep and I feel like I’m going very crazy. I miss Quai oh and did I mention I can’t sleep? Finally fixed my damned PC fuckin vista got it stuck in a repair loop…lost most of my files and have to redownload everything again! Anyways was backing up from my desktop finding some old files and I realized I used to write a lot more than I usually do these days, probably cos I had more time tho…anyways I hereby promise myself that I shall do what my heart wants and to hell with duties that probably aren’t worth the hassle anyways. And a few rhymes to leave u to ponder….

What kinda life we living?

Taking but not giving

Thinking its all fair

Blinking in Sleep’s lair

Take a look and stare

At the moments we can’t bare

A life arranged to gamble? Or a life we were born to dare

- Annalect

Long flights and short drives.

2009-12-12T14:40:00.000+04:00

I miss Block S. Surprisingly…I miss quite a bunch of people from Malaysia all of whom have flown out, well not a bunch but blegh whatever. Its never really the amount of time that you spend with someone but rather the circumstance in which that time was spent, for me it was my first semester in a decidedly odd country, where everyone’s so bloody nice…weirdness seriously and constantly nice people annoy me, its like their blind to what’s happening around them cos seriously life ain’t perfect but ignorance certainly is bliss. My class was jus erghhh the most uncommunicative class I’ve ever been a part of and it felt like it was just me and the lecturer at times. Lifes all good now but heres a shout to those ppl who probably didn’t know it but made life a lil bit easier.

I miss Jun, I miss sitting on the road behind Block S and talking about relationships and sitting in Desa and talking about chicken and watching her fidget trying to eat with fingers while keeping them clean laughin in my head cos I was too polite to laugh out loud. Skipping work jus to sit and cheer her up cos her apps went all fucked up, miss her talkativeness in a very quiet country and walkin with her while shes quizzing me abt my exams, sigh.

I miss Jules, she was fun to talk to and it was just one night that we spent up talking was really cool, oh and street party lol that was crazy…now I probably have to be all nice and civilized during the next one or some EXCO gna breathe down my neck about image. Zzz oh well. Random chats and all the girls really nice.

I miss Sharon and the incessant innuendo ;P and behind that the bible loving girl, funny though but you gotta be impressed by anybody that reads Trotsky.

I miss Mohammad and how on the first day that I met him we ended up walking around for lik 5 hours talking about stuff. I miss his drive, his attitude and surprisingly his annoyingness. He was always ‘let’s go’ ‘lets do this’ or man im bored! Or you wana do….whatever it was it would keep us busy for sure and keeping busy in malaysia was a lot harder than it sounds, especially when stuck in Nilai! I like how he refused to compromise on his standard of life and how we used to bitch about pretty much everything.

Well those are the ones who aren’t there anymore, the first 3 in US and the other in some Islamic Uni but like I said, Lifes good now…it probably always was.

Its My room

2009-12-12T02:15:00.002+04:00

Damn right I love it...A certain joy about being home, listening to the familiar sounds of parents bickering :P Them making food for you mistakenly thinking that you like it even though you grew out of it like 10 years ago but you still eat it cos u dont have the heart to tell them otherwise. Well this is me and me is random....am out untill next time when I'll be raving about Americans winning Nobel Prizes for doing nothing. Till then....Merry Christmas to All and to all a good night.

2009-12-11T01:29:00.004+04:00

You know its always nice to hook up with old friends, reminiscing, memories. Fuck..I’m doing a lot of that these days, met up with Hammad whos flying off to the States 2moro (8) Sweet Home Alabama (8) :P lol well good for him you know? So we end up talking and as usual it goes back to Cambridge..awesome times you know? He pretty much said it right…we lived, we had our fun and hell yeah we did. From making weird noises in class to getting kicked outta the library, jumping fences and going outside, being a part of teh kwill, the paki laugh :P, annoying teachers and staying in the common room the whole day watching movies and playing cards, raping people, basketball all the time…winter dance, proms, we did it all. Literally. We pretty much built that school and when we left a part of it left with us…. I feel sorry for those still in there to be honest, it was always going bad but it seems like it hit rock bottom now. But lifes different for us now, time for us to face the music and be the big boys now but this heres just a shout for all those people that made life what it was and made us what we are. Some teachers that we’ll never forget for being more than just teachers and being pure inspiration and skill, Ms. Alex, Mr. Jaco, Mr. Grundy, Mr. Abbott (we all now know what we don’t want to be), Dr. Radha, Ms. Tanja, Mr. Lugg (our good hearted albeit slightly misguided principal) and of course all the people who had us written off as good for nothing people…suck on this _|_

Heres some of my bois…with a lil bit about them. Life just wouldn’t be the same without them and neither would be the glory days at Cambridge…cos when its all said and done like Hammad said, the Cambridge that we went to was significantly different from the ones that people like Amgad, Buddhika, Hamza etc went to. Peace. Btw all the pics are from Prom cos im not arsed to go through all ur damned fb pics and select ones that you look good in :P

Well don’t let the looks fool you, This is one determined lazy motha…The future whiz kid when it comes to figures who’s always with the flow. Can pull a killer riff too ;) smoke a blunt, raise a glass this is Ajith. Smart as fuck and finally learnt limits.

Playa. Gangsta. Pimp. Under the façade of a hotelier ;) You know how life’s going to be for him…always living it up although ma boi’s down under. This is the voice of reason amidst despair....Mucho love.

And this is Hammad….Surprisingly US accepted his visa app..cant fathom how with the beard and all :P Maybe its cos his name wasn’t Mohammad :P Good luck man u know lifes going to turn out well….Just don’t start doing that engineering stuff on planes or sumin u know whats going to happen ;) Peace.

Mikey! Another hotelier and definitely one of the best in the business for the future, always smiling, always thinking fast, and always ready with some fucked up shit to lighten things up and even looks like someone who belongs in Bold and The Beautiful. Still remember history class where all we used to do is sing lol but I’m glad u finally doing what you like. Can’t wait for you to come I’ll kick ur ass at ball :P

And the Nadir (Lowest Point) Am glad your out and even though we drifted cos of the Hasan bullshit its still all good…you on that path now and its leading to only one place and that’s upwards. The face says it all….serene, calm and usually not bothered by much but ready to do what the occasion calls for.

Zubair! Sorry for the crap on your face..shit scanner. This guy can make you laugh but behind all that it’s a pretty sharp mind too. SHUTDOWN! Lol good times, hope stuff works out for u though but either way your gna make it up….ain’t impossible jus get off ur lazy ass and start. Gotta make steps somewhere. Love you man straight up no homo

The very beginning

2009-12-09T14:01:00.003+04:00

This is Me.

19 years old, Aced my first year of Law, President of the Student Government, Enjoying independence, Loving life, Taking each day as it comes with a bold face, kissing the sun good morning. Friends never too far away, through the good and the bad. Family always loving. Carefree, fly like the bird soar like an eagle. Sociable. I am Fire.

This is Me.

19 years old, Struggling through uni, President of the Student Government looking at a mountain of problems that need solutions, Missing home, Still loving life although it saps away at me, Don't want to get out of bed. Friends far away and the distance grows. Released from the apron strings, time to stand on my own. Stressed and planning for everything. Stand like the oak, move like the mountains. Anti Social. I am Fire.

This shall be as honest as honest is.